Promote Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries create guidelines promoting resilient and sustainable caring. Like a white picket fence around a yard, boundaries are limits designating what we are and aren’t responsible for.  They influence how we interact with others, spend time, and focus energy. We create balance while honoring personal limitations – our own and others.

Let’s say every person has their own yard with a fence around it. Each family member, colleague, patient, and client have their own yard bordered by a fence.  The yard designates what each individual is responsible for.  Think about what belongs in your yard.

Imagine shrubs filled with berries that represent family, work and community responsibilities.  Brightly colored flowers might symbolize gratitude, joy and hope.  Perhaps a vegetable garden promoting physical and mental wellbeing.  Maybe a water fountain nourishing your soul.  A large apple tree for growing and learning.  It’s hard to avoid weeds that represent challenges and the work needed to maintain your yard.  What does your yard look like? What tasks help your yard flourish?

Consider yards belonging to family members, co-workers, patients, and others you interact with.  Just like you, they are responsible for maintaining their own yard.  Whether it is finding nutritious food, taking time to exercise, helping a patient, or choosing a positive perspective, each person is responsible for their own wellbeing. We can help each other water the garden or pull the weeds, but each person is ultimately responsible for their own yard.

How many times do we try to take care of other people’s yards and neglect our own?  We frantically water gardens everywhere to try to make everyone happy or get consumed pulling weeds outside our yard while taking care of other people’s problems. We can get so focused on helping others, we set aside our own health and wellbeing.  We lose a sense of limits and can’t say “no.” We can’t tell our yard from the rest of the world, so we try to take care of it all.

We run non-stop with a mower or look up to see an endless field of weeds until we simply drop.  Not only do we become exhausted, but we inadvertently communicate to others dangerous messages about their responsibilities.  “You can’t handle your yard,” “My yard expertise is far more valuable,” or “Your yard is my yard.”

Healthy boundaries communicate “I love my yard and am going to be responsible for my yard. I honor your yard and know you can care for it.” Let’s create more sustainable caring as we help people by making sure we take care of our own yard.  Some of the important work I do is to help individuals understand and promote healthy boundaries. Before you take on responsibilities outside your yard, ask yourself if you are trying to take on the work of someone else’s yard.  Give yourself permission to see limits as a positive for everyone.  Grab a cool glass of lemonade and take time to enjoy your yard.