Bring Out Your Inner Shine: Practice a 3-minute shine routine to radiate real beauty

Society has placed a premium on appearances, but it is our inner beauty that really determines our impact on the world. Each day we spend time deciding what clothes we wear, fixing our hair, and putting on makeup. We seldom think about it, but we also choose how we see the world and what values to radiate. Positive perspectives clearly shine more, but it is too easy to get stuck in a negative rut. Vera and Vi were examples of the difference between choosing to shine with positivity or stew with negativity.

 Vera and Vi were both 94-year-old widows who lived in the same care center. I often visited them to provide support and encouragement. As soon as I entered Vera’s room, she glowed and cheerfully called out, “I am so happy to see you!” She liked to compliment me saying, “You have such nice teeth!” As she sat in her wheel chair, she shared how wonderful the staff were, and proclaimed “I am so blessed.” Vera ended visits with hugs and “thankyous.”  I always left her room with a big smile.

 To get to Vi’s room, I walked down a beige hall adorned with an occasional nature picture. She lived in the same building, but was a world apart. As soon as I entered her room, she began a litany of complaints. “The staff doesn’t do enough.” “My children never visit me.” Vi usually ended my visits with “Don’t take so long to visit me again.” I inwardly groaned. Her lack of gratitude and abundance of complaints made it difficult to look forward to future visits.  

 The contrast in perspectives illustrates the power of positivity. Vera was like a shining star who inspired me to be a better person. Vi, on the other hand, seemed to darken the world around her. Both women suffered from a myriad of losses and challenges, yet how they saw and chose to interact with the world dramatically affected quality of life. Vera’s positive attitude fostered mutual gratitude, care, and hope.  

 Positive perspectives seldom just happen, but result from choosing to respond a certain way. Virtues, qualities that are good for society, can help us interact in positive ways even when it is hard to do so. I want to be clear that we should not just pretend to feel a certain way and sometimes we need medical help to change how we feel. I am referring to the possibility of choosing to respond with virtues such as gratitude, joy, hope, care, and kindness. We actively participate in how others see and respond to us.     

 Do you want to shine and increase a positive influence? Establish a short, daily “shine” routine to bring out your inner beauty. Your shine routine will make a greater impact than any clothing can do.

1.    Begin with a gratitude moment. Say at least five different things you are grateful for. It can be as simple as indoor plumbing or as significant as naming people who love you. Vary your list each day to keep it more meaningful. When life is hard, it can be easy to focus on the negatives. Looking for the positives helps us face challenges with hope.

 2.    Remind yourself of an important virtue you want to reflect after your gratitude moment. All virtues are good, but we each have some that speak louder. Respect, kindness, compassion, and patience might be at the top of your list. Creatively write them on your computer or cellphone screen as reminders.

 3.    Imagine yourself responding with a chosen virtue. Mental rehearsal helps us create new behaviors patterns. Promote balance by thinking about how to reflect virtues to yourself as well as others. For example, showing kindness to others and yourself expands a positive influence.     

 4.    Take a deep breath and repeat the 3-step strategy every time you feel negativity creeping in. Give thanks, think about an important virtue, and imagine yourself responding in ways you feel good about. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder for taking the high ground to let your inner beauty shine. Remember we can’t control how other people respond to us, but we can control how we interact with the world.  

 5.    End the day with your shine routine to promote a peaceful night so you can radiate even more the next day.    

 Focus on inner shine brings out the best in us and others. A shift away from emphasis on physical appearance towards inner beauty may be counter-cultural, but promotes a beauty untouched by wrinkles and hair color. Changing how we think and respond is difficult, so be persistent. Offer yourself a hug and say “I can shine” when you catch yourself darkened by negativity. Radiate the beauty within to experience more of life’s joy and inspire others. Shine on!

 This article contains excerpts from Resilient and Sustainable Caring published by Whole Person Associates.